It’s been a funny few months, a strange mix of ‘frantic’ and ‘too quiet’. I’ve been applying for journalism work to go alongside my photography for a few months now. I freelance for BBC Tees when they need me, and I’m still adoring picking up my camera for commissions that come my way.
The past year has had it’s busy times (last summer? Weddings. Shoots. At one point I did 5 weddings in 8 days. Finished my dissertation and MA. Dav completed his dissertation and final year. Shattered. The house was a tip. I was running around and generally getting pretty narky to be around but also loving the buzz of working so hard..) I left last summer full of enthusiasm, I loved my camera and work more than ever, I was optimistic about the job search, even daring to be excited about the prospect of moving our little family somewhere else in the near future but as the months plodded on it became clear that we’d be living in Middlesbrough with very little changing for a while longer.
Through November and December I had enquiries and was finishing up album orders, photos.. I worked on some amazing shoots and some fab weddings.. but everything was slowing down. I read around and apparently it’s totally normal in the run-up to Christmas. Most self-employed workers seem to take this quieter time to sort out the admin side of things. So I went right through my inbox and sorted it out into folders for the first time ever, I did receipts, my tax return, I cleared out my desk, I went through my booking forms, brochures, sorted out my hard drives and even had a huge clear out and deep-cleaned the house. Christmas stormed in and stormed out again. January crept around the corner. I usually love this time of year for making new targets, aims, dreams, resolutions… but recently I’ve been waking up just feeling a bit flat.
Dav’s neck deep in his MSc work, and spends his time working, at uni or in the study with chocolate eclairs and cups of tea sustaining him. I spend days keeping up with photography things, I usually do the nursery run 4 times a day and generally spend my time being a housewife. I have no issues with stay-at-home mums but it’s not what I wanted for myself, I don’t know how to take it. I’ve never been this way before (Dav has ‘threatened’ to move out a few times because I’m that messy and chaotic to live with..) and I’m not used to spending this much time at home being so domestic, I’d rather be working with a bit more headspace.
This post is sounding like one big moan, but I wrote it with the mission of perking myself up and looking ahead through grey January days. I’m determined to get out of the house more. During nursery lunch breaks with V I’ll be taking her to the park and for little cafe lunches here and there. I’m going to get out with my camera for personal projects. I’m going to keep on at the job search and keep my head up. I’m going for a haircut and a massage (sounds silly but I’m sure it’ll perk me up a little bit) and I’m going to start walking instead of driving more. More fresh air, more healthy eating. Taking care of myself. Less wine, less sitting around on the internet.
And here are some quick positives for the year ahead:
..I’m meeting Joanna Brown (of Browns Photography) for a mentoring session next week, I have no doubts whatsoever that she’ll perk me and my business up.
..V is starting baby ballet lessons, which is surely going to be one of the cutest things ever.
..Kelly’s hen do at Butlins in Skegness
..Rosie’s hen do in London
..Greg and Kelly are getting married at the amazing Middlesbrough Town Hall, V is a flowergirl and I’m taking the pics. Can’t wait.
..Rosie and Jon are getting married in sunny Arpino, Italy, V is a flowergirl and I’m taking the pics. Can’t wait.
..Dav and I will become auntie and uncle again sometime in June!
..Vivienne will turn four. FOUR. Where did that time go?
..on top of everything else I have some gorgeous clients and no-doubt amazing weddings lined up this year. I have to remember not to let the quiet times damper what will probably be another bit-too-busy Summer that lies ahead.
..we WILL get to where we want to go. Nothing worth having comes easy. Keep going.